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1,424 lines
'tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
There is no tyranny in the state of confusion.
No girdle ever cured a pregnancy
Freedom defined is freedom denied.
Paradise is just like where you are right now, only much better.
---- LAURIE ANDERSON ("Language is a virus")
Egotism is the drug that soothes the pain of stupidity.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
--- LUCINDA CHILDS (PHILIP GLASS: EINSTEIN ON THE BEACH)
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
---- HASSAN I SABBAH
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
---- BO DIDDLEY
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the
opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
---- NIELS BOHR
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
--- SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORACLE
The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human
mind to correlate all its contents.
----- H.P. LOVECRAFT
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
--- MAE WEST
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one
I've never tried before.
--- MAE WEST
Her life was saved by rock and roll.
---- LOU REED
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce.
-- J. EDGAR HOOVER
Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeprody I would never
had lit one.
--- MAXIM OF THE HELLS ANGELS
It is a rather pleasent experience to be alone in a bank at night.
--- WILLIE SUTTON
The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
--- KARL MARX
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of
it ... it would have been much better.
--- KARL MARX'S MOTHER
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the
largest shopping center in the world?
---- RICHARD M. NIXON
When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve
it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.
---- AL CAPONE
Anything anybody can say about America is true.
-- EMMETT GROGAN
If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all.
----- SPIRO AGNEW
If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
----- RONALD REAGAN
He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return.
----- SOUTH AFRICAN SAYING
Use it up ... Wear it out.
Make it do ... Or do without.
---- US WORLD WAR II MESSAGE
You can't underestimate the power of fear.
--- TRICIA NIXON
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this
incredible jailbreak.
----- WAVY GRAVY
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
----- BUCKMINSTER FULLER
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
---- DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER
You smash it - and I'll build around it.
--- JOHN LENNON
College isn't the place to go for ideas.
--- HELLEN KELLER
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns
and detective stories.
------- ARTHUR C. CLARKE
America, how can you write a holy litany in your silly mood?
------- ALLEN GINSBERG
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore,
I have to beat somebody.
---- RICHARD M. NIXON
Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
--- ARTHUR C. CLARKE
Justice is incidental to law and order.
---- J. EDGAR HOOVER
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
---- GROUCHO MARX
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
----- ABBIE HOFFMAN
Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be
when I grow up.
---- PETER DRUCKER
How can you be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
--- FIRESIGN THEATER
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
----- OSCAR WILDE
We are what we pretend to be.
---- KURT VONNEGUT, JR
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
------- OSCAR WILDE
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
---- ALBERT EINSTEIN
Real wealth can only increase.
---- R. BUCKMINSTER FULLER
Anyone can hate. it costs to love.
----JOHN WILLIAMSON
In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true
or becomes true.
------------JOHN LILLY
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
------GRAFFITI
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
-------ALBERT EINSTEIN
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
-------TALLULAH BANKHEAD
A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms.
------- GEORGE WALD
It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
always thus.
-----DEAN LATTIMER
Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
----KEN WEAVER
We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish.
--------JOHN CULKIN
I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have
been from you.
---- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm me.
--- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence
without civilization in between.
----OSCAR WILDE
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
--- STANLEY GARN
Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest
men in national government too.
--- RICHARD M. NIXON
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
----- DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER
If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution
inevitiable.
----- JOHN F. KENNEDY
"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if
it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. Thats logic."
----- LEWIS CARROLL
It takes a long time to understand nothing.
------- EDWARD DAHLBERG
To know the world one must construct it.
----- CESARE PAVESE
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
---- BULLWINKLE MOOSE
The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.
--- TENESSEE WILLIAMS
An object never serves the same function as its image- or its name.
------ RENE MAGRITTE
All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard,
ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
-------- KINGFISH
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
------ M. C. ESCHER
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
-----CALVIN COOLIDGE
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
------PAUL ERLICH
If A equals success, then the formula is:
A= X + Y + Z
X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
------ ALBERT EINSTEIN
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are
you won't either.
------- JOSEPH FISCHER
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.
------- J. PAUL GETTY
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
------- GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #1
The only difference between the fool, and the criminal who
attacks a system is that the fool attacks unpredictably and
on a broader front.
------- GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #3
Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion
to the inherent unreliability of the system in which they
are used.
----- GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #5
The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system
are the key to understanding the type of errors which they
cannot handle.
------- GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #6
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to
detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
------ GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #7
All real programs contain errors until proven otherwise -
which is impossible.
----- GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #8
Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
probable cost of errors, or somebody insists on getting some
useful work done.
------ GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #9
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he
encounters needs pounding.
---------ABRAHAM KAPLAN
The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems.
--------- ROGER LEVIAN
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there
is some ordinance under which you can be booked.
---- ROBERT D. SPRECHT (RAND CORP)
Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of
doing you good, you should run for your life.
Vique's Law:
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
--------- CONFUCIUS
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good
impromptu speech.
---- MARK TWAIN
The unnatural, that too is natural.
------- GOETHE
I used to be indecisive; now Im not sure.
--- GRAFFITI
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didnt like it.
--------SAMUEL GOLDWYN
He hasn't one redeeming vice.
-------OSCAR WILDE
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
----GRAFFITI
Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty
without any proof
---- Ashley Montague ----
Ketterling's Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards
upon 'B', 'A' is most likely a scoundrel
H. L. Mencken -
The government of the United States is not in any sense founded
on the Christian Religion
--- George Washington
In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson -
Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations
- Thomas Jefferson -
We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately
- Benjamin Franklin -
I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it
- W. C. Fields -
The Swartzberg Test:
The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he
will pick himself up and carry on...
- Winston Churchill -
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday,
and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday,
Thursday, and Saturday.
- William Bragg -
That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest
- Thoreau -
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe,
and he'll believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint
upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and
thinking what no one else has thought.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgi -
Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor.
- Toynbee -
We have met the enemy and he is us
- Walt Kelly (in POGO) -
Ode to Turbulent Flow:
Big whirls have little whirls
Which feed on their velocity,
And little whirls have lesser whirls
And so on, to viscosity.
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them
- Heisenberg -
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it
takes all you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to
get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
--- Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. "Where shall I begin,
please your Majesty ?" he asked. "Begin at the beginning,", the
King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end:
then stop."
--- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
--- Albert Einstein
How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for
somewhere else.
------ R. Buckminster Fuller
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work.
------- Gallagher
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the
dark.
---- Robert Heinlein
None of the errors was found.
-- Compiler message, Micro Data Base Systems
... if it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if
it is a Fact, proof is necessary.
----- Samuel Clemens
I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes
everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who
makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the
weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New
England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make
weather for countries that require a good article, and will take
their custom elsewhere if they don't get it.
--- Mark Twain
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has
come into use through the necessity of having some way to
distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and
weather which will only make it mushy.
-- Mark Twain
The confidence of ignorance will always overcome
the indecision of knowledge.
Designed with your mind in mind by people who have in mind what you
should have in mind.
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
"We are getting into semantics again. If we use words, there is a
very grave danger they will be misinterpreted."
-- H. R. Haldeman, testifying in his own defense.
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they
have to take you in.
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for
one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer
to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with
an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then
point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,
not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we
find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all
the others who have tried it.
How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a program?
Ten. Nine to hold it down, and one to cut its head off.
Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as
they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out
a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
Few people think more than two or three times a year; I
have made an international reputation for myself by
thinking once or twice a week.
-- George Bernard Shaw
PARKINSON'S LAW: Work expands to fill the time available
for its completion.
WEILER'S LAW: Nothing is impossible for the man who does not
have to do it himself.
FINAGLE'S LAW: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it
makes it worse.
RUDIN'S LAW: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among
alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst
one possible.
UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible.
THE ULTIMATE PRINCIPLE: By definition, when you are investigating
the unknown - you do not know what you will find.
Clarke's Third Law
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
magic.
Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology
1) No action is without side-effects.
2) Nothing ever goes away.
3) There is no free lunch.
Harvard Law
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the
organism will do as it damn well pleases.
Asked what he thought of Western civilization,
M. K. Gandhi said, "I think it would be an excellent idea".
A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured
and then quietly strangled.
"One Galileo in two thousand years is enough." -- Pope Pius XII
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Observation, and not old age, brings wisdom.
Every heart hath its own ache.
A man gazing at the stars is at the mercy of every puddle on the road.
Youth and skill will be overcome by old age and treachery
-- Bumper Sticker
"I spent 90% of my salary on good Irish whiskey and women. The rest I wasted."
Tug McGraw Baseball player
"I have known many, liked not a few, loved only one, I drink to you."
Traditional Irish Toast
"Laziness is a heavy burden."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."
Traditional Irish Toast
"Top of the morning to you" "And the rest of the day to yourself!"
Irish Greeting
"Never take a wife that has no faults."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Beauty won't make the pot boil."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Where the tongue slips, it speaks the truth."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May you die in bed at ninety-five years, shot by a jealous husband(or wife)."
Traditional Irish Toast
"He who is bad at giving lodgings, is good at showing the way."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"The worst, most damaging witness, is a former friend."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Where there's love, there's enough."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Keep a thing for seven years and you'll find a use for it."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another."
James Boswell-The Life of Samuel Johnson (1790)
"Better the fighting than the loneliness."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Sickness is the Physican's feast."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"What can go wrong- will go wrong."
Murphy's Law
"He comes like the bad weather(uninvited)."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Cows far from home have long horns."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"A soft word, never yet broke a tooth."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"He that loses the game, let him talk away."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"A little help is better than a deal of pity."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Honey is sweet, but don't lick it off a briar."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Don't leave a tailor's remnant behind you."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"A dimple in the chin, a devil within."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"It's almost as good as bringing good news, not to bring bad."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Whoever escapes, the peacemaker won't."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"A hen carried far, is heavy."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Three without rule, a pig, a mule, and a wife."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"And may you be half an hour in heaven before the devil knows you're dead."
Traditional Irish Toast
"God put the blight on the potato, but England put the hunger upon Ireland."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May you live to be 100 years-with 1 extra year to repent."
Traditional Irish Toast
"The wife (or husband) of your choice to you."
Traditional Irish Toast
"Big head and little sense."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"All the world would not make a racehorse of a jackass."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Land without rent to you."
Traditional Irish Toast
"Health and life to you."
Traditional Irish Toast
"When your hand is in the dog's mouth, draw it out gently."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"An unlearned king is a crowned ass."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Time is a good storyteller."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Death is the poor man's doctor."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Not worried till married.
Traditional Irish Proverb
"The eye of a friend is a good looking glass."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Neither make nor break a custom."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"The three sharpest things of all- a thorn in mire, a hound's tooth and a
Fool's retort."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May you have nicer legs than your own under the table before the new spuds
are up."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"He who can follow his own will is a king."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May your doctor never earn a dollar out of you and may your heart never
give out. May the ten toes of your feet steer you clear of all misfortune,
and before you're much older, may you hear much better toasts than this."
Traditional Irish Toast
"Who lies down with dogs will get up with fleas."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"Tis a very good story that fills the belly."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May you have warm word's on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night,
and a smooth road all the way to your door."
Traditional Irish Toast
"The devil is good to his own in this world and bad to them in the next."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to
know where you're going and the insight to know when you're going too far."
Traditional Irish Toast
"May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings, slow to make enemies,
quick to make friends. But rich or poor, quick or slow, may you know nothing
but happiness from this day foward."
Traditional Irish Toast
"May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below
never fall out."
Traditional Irish Toast
" 'Tis the fool has luck."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"May the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use."
Traditional Irish Toast
"God never closes one door but he opens another."
Traditional Irish Proverb
"In the new year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship
and never in want."
Traditional Irish Toast
"The health of the salmon to you: A long life, A full heart and a wet mouth!"
Traditional Irish Toast
"May the frost never afflict your spuds. May the outside leaves of your
cabbage always be free from worms. May the crow never pick your haystack,
and may your donkey always be in foal."
Traditional Irish Toast
"He know more than his "Our Father." "
Traditional Irish Proverb
@78@
(__) (__) (__) (__)
(oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/ | || / | || / | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||W---|| * ||w---|| * ||V---||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Cow Cow laden Same cow Nancy Reagan-type
with milk after milking cow with milk
@71@
(___) (___) * (___) (___)
(o o) (o o) \ (o o) (o o)
/-------\ / /-------\ / \-------\ / /-------\ /
/ | ||O / | ||O | ||O / | ~#>-+|O
* ||,---|| * ||@\--|| ||,---|| * ||,----|
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~
Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American Bull
seeing above cow seeing other bull shooting the Rotc bull
@7B@
(__) (__) (__) (__)
(oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
/-------\/-* /-------\/ /-------\/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ | || \ )*)(\/* / * / | ||
* ||----|| * \ |||/)|/()( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
\/|(/)(/\/(,,/ \)|(/\/|)(/\
Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble
on grass on cow
@7C@
(__) (__) * (__) * (__)
(oo) (oo) \ (oo) | (oo)
/--------\/ /-oooooo-\/ \-------\/ \-------\/
* o| || * ooooooooo o o| || / ||
||----|| ooooooooooooo ||----||>==/-----||
ooo~~ ~~ ooooooooooooooooo ~~ ~~ ~~
Cow making Cow in deep Cow getting the manure
manure manure kicked out of her
@4F@
(__)
(oo) U
/-------\/ /---V
/ | || * |--| .
* ||----||
~~ ~~
Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters.
@0C@
(__) )__( vv vv
(oo) (oo) ||----|| *
/-------\/ *-------\/ || | /
/ | || / | || /\-------/
* ||----|| / ||----|| (oo)
~~ ~~ vv vv (~~)
American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow
@1F@
(__) (__) (__)
(oo) ____ (oo) _---_(oo)
/-------\/ /- --\/ /- -\/
/ | || / | || /| ||
* ||----|| * ||___-|| * ||___-||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Freshman Cow at Freshman Cow Freshman Cow
start of school After the "Freshman 15" After the "Freshman 20"
@7A@
(__) (__) (__)
(OO) (@@) (xx)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/ | || / | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to wash
psychedelic mushrooms down psychedelic mushrooms
@6C@
/\ __
/ \ ||
(__) (__) \ / (_||_)
SooS (oo) \/ (oo)
/------S\/S /-------\/ /S /-------\/
/ | || / | || / S / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----||___/ S * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincoln's
to George Washington this cow cow
@7E@
(__)
* (__) (oo)
\ (oo) /------\/
\-------\/ /| |/ |
| ==$ || / | [) ||
||----|| * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Old "One Arm" belonged This cow was given to
to Ceasar's Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday
@01@
(___) (__) (__)
( O ) (oo) (oo)
/-------\ / \/--------\/
/ | ||V | |
* ||----|| ||------||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with
the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle
@78@
(__) (__)
[##] (@o)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /------- (__)
/ | || / | || / | || (oo)
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|---\/
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~
This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to
to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman
@7E@
(____) (____) (____)
(oo ) (o o) ( O O)
/-----------\ / /-----\ /---- /-----------\ /
/ || | \/ / | | \/ | / || | \/
/ || |||| \ | | | | | / || ||||
* ||||-----|||| *| | |-----| | | * ||||-----||||
/\/\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ~~~~ ~~~~
This cow belonged This was Salvatore No one was sure whether
to Pablo Picasso Dali's favorite cow M.C. Escher's cow had four
legs or eight
@79@
O__O \_|_/
(oo) (oo)
/-------\/ /-------\/
/ | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty
@0B@
(__) (__)
~~ (oo) (--)
~~~~ /-------\/ /-\/-\
~~~~~ / | || /| |\
~~~~~ * ||----|| ~ | | ~
~~~~~~~~ ====~~====~~==== | |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~/ /----\
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / \ \
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ * ~
Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale
(What a bod, huh guys?)
@5E@
)\ (__)
/ \ (oo)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cow swimming at Amityville
(Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated)
* (__)
\ (DD)
\ /-------\/
|\ / | ||_\_/
\ | \ (__) * ||----|
\\|| \(oo) ~~ ~
\||\ \\/ Cow chugging brews and staring at
~~ \|| sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale
\\ ||
\\||
\||
~~ / / / / / / / / / / /
\\_ / / / / / / / / / / / /
\_ / / / / / _______ / /
Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen / / / / | \ / /
/ / / (__)| / /
/ / / (oo)| / /
( @@@ ) /-------\/ |
( @@ ) (------------) / | ||~_|
@@ (__) ( *>COUGH<* ) * ||----|
@@ (oo) . . . ( *>COUGH<* ) ~~ ~
/--UU--\/ (____________)
/ | || Cow sheltering from English Weather
* ||---||
(New) Jersey Cow
@0B@
O O O O
\ \ / /
\ \ (__) /
(__) \ \ (xx)/
(DD) \ +--------+\//
/-------\/ \| | /
/ | || +--------+
* ||----||
~~ ~~
Cow fantasizing about "Riding the Mechanical Bull"
at Gillies in Texas
@7D@
o o
|__| (__) (__)
(oo) (oo) =(oo)= oo
/-------\/ /-------vv /-------\/
/ | || / | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
bill bixby bela lugosi boris karloff claude rains
male relative cow cow cow
cow
x
xxxx|xxxx
xxxxxxx|xxxxxxx
|
//
(__) // (__) (__)
(oo)// (oo)===(oo)
/-------\// /-------\/ \/-------\
/ | |// / | || || | \
* ||----| * ||----|| ||----|| *
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Julie Andrews Cow Siamese cows
@6F@
o o (__) ~
\ / (oo) /
\ / _____\/___/
(__) \__/ / /\ / /
(oo) _______(oo) ~ / * /
/---------\/ /| ___ \/ / ___/
/ | x=a(b)|| / | { }|| *----/\
* ||------|| * ||{___}|| / \
~~ ~~ ||-----|| / /
~~ ~~ ~ ~
Mathematical Television This cow does Disco
Cow Cow (That's what comes of
(developer of (Cow-thode snorting cow-caine)
cow-culus) Ray Tube)
@71@
o
| [---]
| |
| | |------========|
/----|---|\ | **** |=======|
/___/___\___\ o | **** |=======|
| | ___| |==============|
| | ___ {(__)} |==============|
\-----------/ []( )={(oo)} |==============|
\ \ / / /---===--{ \/ } |
----------------- / | NASA |==== |
| | * ||------||-----~
----------------- || | |
/ / \ \ ~~ ~ |
/ ---- \
~~ ~~ This cow jumped over the Moon
@6B@
(__)
([][]) "I have this recurring dream
__\/_--U about golden arches.".. (__)
/\ \__ ~ :..("")
/\\\ / / //\ ____\_____\/ //
/----~/__/\ /\ // \\/ \___ / //
\\\____/--\-- // /-/__________/ //
/====== \/ =======/==============//
*_/ / \ /~ // / \\
/ \ ~ // \\
Psycowlogist and patient
@4E@
(___)
\~~~~~~~~\ (__) (o o)
\~~~~~~~~\\ (oo) \ /
*-----\_______\/\/ \--O--/
~_______/ --- \______~ // -----\
~--------\ \S/ /\_____~ \\/_~{} /==V===[]
\______/ \_____\\//
\__/
It's a bird... //\\ The Boss
It's a plane... // \\ (Bruce Holstien)
// //
~~ ~~
@79@
==================
_____________________________ H H
| |-------------| H (__) H
| | ________ | H (oo) H __
| COWNTY | | (|__|) | | H / \/ \ H / \
| JAIL | | |oo| | | H | | | | H | STOP |
| | |__|\/|__| | H D===b=----- H \ __ /
| | o | H~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~H ||
| | ~ | H H ||
| | ] | H H ||
| | | H H ||
|_____________|_____________| H H ||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Some cows get in trouble... Cattle Guard
@78@
( ( )
( ( ) )
( ( )
( / )
( ( \\ )
( | // )
| | (__)
| | (oo) (__)
| | ----\/ ______(oo)_____
| | || ( _)_______(__) )
**| | ---|| \ __________/
``'---------~~
Cow Hide Cow Pie
@7E@
\ | / ___________
____________ \ \_# / | ___ | _________
| | \ #/ | | | | | = = = = |
| | | | | \\# | |`v'| | | |
| | \# // | --- ___ | | | || | |
| | | | | #_// | | | | | |
| | \\ #_/_______ | | | | | | || | |
| | | | | \\# /_____/ \ | --- | | |
| | \# |+ ++| | | |~~~~~~| | | | || | |
| | \# |+ ++| | | |~~~~~~| | | | || | |
~~~| (~~~~~) |~~~~~#~| H |_ |~| | |||| | |~~~~~~| |
| ( ||| ) | # ~~~~~~ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~________/ /_____ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
`v'- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | ||||||| |
|| |`. (__) (__) ( )
(oo) (oo) /---V
/-------\/ \/ --------\ * | |
/ | || ||_______| \
* ||W---|| || || *
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
"Cow Town"
@29@
\ (__) (__)
\\(oo) (\/)
/-----\\\/ /-------\/
/ | (##) / | ||
* ||----||" * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
This cow plays bagpipes. Cow from Beijing
@7B@
(__) (__) (__)
(\/) ($$) (**)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/ | 666 || / |=====|| / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love
@6D@
(__) (__)
(oo) (oo)
/-'''''-\/ /-------------------\/
/ |'''''|| / | ||
* ||''''|| * ||----------------||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Cow in Argyle Stretch Cow
*
** **
* ** * * * **
* / / \ * *
\ \ / \ / / (__)
* / / \ \ (__) \ \ /--------(00)
/ (00) / / / | |( )
\ /-------\/ \ \ * ||---- ||()
/ / | || / / || ||
\ \ * ||----|| \ \ ~~ ~~
/ / ~~ ~~ / / Cow Chewing Marbles
Cow in Heat
@8A@
(__)
(oo)
/-------\/
/ | ||
* OO----OO
low rider cow
@7C@
(__) \__\ (__)
(oo) o (oo) (oo)
/-------\/ ____\___\/ *+-------\/
/ | || / | || ||______||
* ||----|| * ||----|| ||----||
OO OO OO OO OO OO
Detroit cow Mustang cow pickup cow
@1E@
(__) (__) \_||_~
(oo) (oo) (*||*)
/---------------\/ /----\/ /-------\||/
/ | || / || / | ||
* ||------------|| *-||----|| * ||----||
OO OO OO OO OO }{
li-moo-cow fastback cow teenager's cow
@79@
____
(____)
.xxxx.
(__) '(oo)`
(oo) /-----'-\/ `
/-------\/ / | |============>
/ | || * ||----| (~)
* ||----|| ~~ ~
~~ ~~ Moo-ammar Cowdafi
holy cow armed and dangerous
@6A@
(___) (___)
(o o) (o o)
/-------\ / /-------\ /
/ | ||O / | O~ ||O
* ||,---|| * ||,---||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
A Bull A-bomb-in-a-bull No-bull
@0D@
(---)
( )
/-----\ (___)
| | (o o)
| | | (-----) \ /
| | | / / \ O
| * | * | O |
~~ ~~ -----
Coward Phone Bull
@CF@
__________________________
}__{ / Send YOUR cow pictures to \
(00) ( ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU )
:****** \/ ==='\___________________________/'
: # ##
##****##
"" ""
@7A@
| | | | *
| | (__) | | \ (__)
| | (oo) | | \ (oo)
| | /-------\/ | | -----------\/--
| | / | || | | ----| |---
| | * ||----|| | | --------
| \______~~____~~___ | \_________________
| _________________ | _________________
| / | /
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
/ \ / \
Cow perched on a tree. Cow attempting to fly off tree.
@0C@
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| \_________________
| _________________
| /
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| | (__)
| | *---------(..)
/ \ ~~----~~\/
Cow that has failed miserably in the attempt.
@3E@
. /\ . . : (__)
. / \ . . : (xx)
/ \ . . * : __------\/
/ \ * : * ||____||
| (__) | . . ** : / | |\
. /| (oo) |\ ** :
/ | /\/\ | \ . . * : Hamburger
. / |=|==|=| \ . * :
. / | | | | \ . :
/ USA | ~||~ |NASA \ . : * (__)
|______| ~~ |______| . : \ (oo)
. (__||__) . . : \-------\/
. /_\ /_\ . . . : 8-| ||
!!! !!! : ||----||
: ~~ ~~
The cow that jumped over the moon. : Flying Cow
@78@
...---...
../ / | \ \..
./ / / | \ \ \.
/ / / | \ \ \
/ / / | \ \ \
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /(__)
\|/ (oo)
/---++--\/
/ | || ||
* ||-++-||
~~ ~~
Cow surviving attack by Red Baron
@2B@
..---.. (__)
/ \ (oo)
| RIP | /-------\/
| | / | ||
| | * ||----||
| | ~~ ~~
| |
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////
Elvis's Cow... ...Or is it alive and living in tax exile???
@6D@
(__)
(oo)
/---+ +--\/
/ | | | ||
* ||-+ +-||
~~ ~~ *
David Copperfield's Cow David Copperfield's other Cow
@70@
(__)
(oo)
/-------\/
/ | ||
* ||----||
~~ ~~
(__) (__)
(oo) (oo)
/-------\/ \/-------\
/ | || -~~- || | \
* ||---- -~~- || *
~~ ~~
(__) (__)
(oo) (oo)
/-------\/ \/-------\
/ | || || | \
* ||----|| ||----|| *
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Barnum's Troupe of performing cows
@FC@
(__) _--------_
(oo) |__________| BIG
/-------\/ XXXXXXXXXX MAC
/ | 007 || __________
* ||----|| |_ _|
~~ ~~ --------
Cow licenced to kill Enemy Cow after having met previous cow
@0E@
(__)
(oo)
/'~~~-m
(__) / '' ` )
(oo) o /| /|/|_ | /|
/ \/ / / _ / | | | |
/ _\===~ ___\_____/___ |_____|_|
___|__/ |/\ (___________(_) //|| ||
* ~ ~ * ww ww
Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Cow'nt Dracula
@09@
____ ____ |+++++|
|++++| ___ |++++| ____ |+++++|
|++++| |++ ______________________ |++++| |+++++|
|++++| |++/ /( )\ \ |++++| |+++++| __
| | |+| |-oo- | \______ |++++| |+++++| |++|
-----(__)--| \__\/ _(__)_ \ ----------------------------------
o ( oo /_______________________| (oo) \ | __
| _/\_| | M O O - B U S T E R S|__\/\ /| | /oo| - Bleaurgh!
|-| \\____ ------ )_ /| /\
-|_ \_|-_|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 0 _| * \/ *
\ | __________________________________/
| W| \ \_/ /----------------- \ \_/ /
/ /\ \ \___/ \___/
/ / \ \
~~~ ~~~ Who you gonna call...?
@0B@
(__) (__) (__) (----------)
(00) (-o) (--) . . . ( *>YAWN<* )
/------\/ /------\/ /------\/ (----------)
/| || /| || /| ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
Cow w/ Glasses Flirtatious cow (winking) Cow after pulling an all-nighter
@4E@
* (__) (__) (__) (__)
\ (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
\-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/| |\ / / \ / \ / / \ \
//||----||\\ * //------\\ * \\--// * \\----\\
~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Cow walking Cow jogging Same cow Cow breaking
@69@
(__)
(oo) (__) o * (__)
\/ (oo)/ " | (oo)
____| \____ /-------\/(__ o=o=o=|------\/
---/ --** / | / | |
*____/ |___// * ||----|| ||----||
//--------/ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
//__ Cow Cow pooing
Cow marching standing
@78@
Side Front Side back (___) Where's all the bulls!
(__) (__) (__) (__) (O O)/
( oo (oo) oo ) ( ) ~ _/\ /\_ ~
/\_| /\/\ |_/\ / \ \\/ O \//
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
@74@
(___)
( OO
\_ | - Got some cows that aren't in here? Add yours to the official
\O collection! Send them to: ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU
@0E@
(___)
( --
\_ | - G'nite, and thank you for your support. Zzz z z z z z z z
\O
Thanks to EVERYONE who contributed COWS!
@0C@
(__) Eric W. Tilenius
(oo)
/-------\/ President, Princeton Planetary Society
/ | ||
* ||----|| 609-734-7677 // ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU
@CLS@@07@@1F@ @1E@WILD BEE'S BBS
@11@█@1E@█ 209 826-8107 █
▀▄ @4E@ @1E@ ▄▀
▀▄@10@▄@07@ @10@▄@1E@▄▀
@01@▀@10@███████ ███████
███@0F@▄███▄@10@███@0F@▄███▄@10@██
@01@██@10@██@0F@▐███████▌███████▌@10@█
@01@██@10@███@0F@████▀▀▀█▀▀▀████▌ @1F@
@01@██ @0E@▄█▄@0F@▀██ █ ██▀@0E@▄▄█▄@01@▀▀@11@
@01@ @0E@▄█████▄▄@0F@▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀@0E@▄██████ @1E@
@0E@ ███▀███▌ @07@▀▀▀ @0E@▐@1E@██████@0E@ @1E@
@0E@ ▀█▄▄▀████▄▄▄▄▄▄███▀ █@1E@█@0E@▀ @1E@
@01@▄@0E@▀██▄ ▄██▀@01@▄▄▄@11@
@01@▄▄@0E@▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀@01@▄▄@11@
@18@ANSI BEE by ED REY
